Last night I showed up to teach a yoga class. Nobody arrived. This is ok. As a novice teacher just beginning I am pretty realistic. Though still I found my thoughts wandering to self doubt, self criticism, worry about the future and a whole flurry of unhelpful thoughts. Luckily through my practice I was able to maintain a certain watchful distance from these thoughts, and rather than being carried away by the negative floods, I just watched, came back to my breath my body, let go, finding peace in the here and now of my being. But that isn’t what I wanted to write about : ) I wanted to write about the falling down again and again.
As I had the hall to myself I decided I may as well get in some of my own practice. So onward I went into several Surya Namaskars, and toying around with some really tough arm balances that I am being introduced to by my amazing teacher Jess. Then I remembered my goal for 2014, to be able to stand on my hands, balanced, no wall. So I threw myself into a few free flying handstands, and I fell over again and again. I thought that is it isn’t it? When you want to grow, when you want to challenge yourself, when you want to try something new in your life, you have to take that risk, that chance, of falling over and over, again and again. Just as we did as children learning how to walk. Imagine if we decided as babe’s that it wasn’t worth falling down, to learn how to walk wasn’t worth getting hurt, wasn’t worth the wobbling all the while looking a little foolish. That is how it is in our adult life too. If we let fear hold us back from trying things, from being beginners again, from taking the risk of looking foolish, we won’t be able to move forward, we will stagnate, stuck in the confines of our comfort zone.
To have a life that is graced by our dreams manifesting we have to risk falling, we have to risk looking foolish, wobbling and stumbling awkwardly as we find our way in new endeavours. So as I wobble and sweat in some challenging asana, as I fall flat on my face time and time again, I know that I am getting stronger, and some day I may hold that pose with grace and ease, or even if I don’t I will have learned a whole lot about myself in trying.
So I am celebrating my falling today, laughing and rejoicing, knowing that I am learning, growing, opening myself up to the grand possibility of getting closer to my full potential.